I turned thirty-three this year. That age along with the silver streaks of ocean running through my hair should tell you that I am a few years wiser now. I always wanted to be a “grown-up” so why was it hard to bring in my birthday this year…I’ll tell you.
I am an unmarried girl (woman, yes, but also always a girl) doing an unconventional job of a mental health coach. I have not purchased a house, not adopted a pet and I do not know where I may live next year. I have dreams but no real “plan” for my life. Looking at this, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of success and failure and that’s exactly the story I want to prevent myself and my fellow human from. I asked myself have I amounted to nothing but how can I be nothing when I am choosing how to grow. How can I fail when I am consistently evolving. This article contains the words I spoke to myself and now I speak to you.
So dear spark of light ✨,
1. Begin your journey
Whichever phase of life you are in, you are allowed. Absolve yourself from the guilt that says you need to “settle” into one idea of life. You are larger than any role (read: tiny prison) you’re expected to play. You are the main character in the movie of your life. Be unashamed to grow your wings and make your own choices about how life should be lived. Take a deep breath in….. and start.
2. Time is a resource you cultivate
If you spend your time unconsciously following the path set by outdated norms, you will spend double the time at a later stage rebuilding the same life you could begin to create today. No mindset or relationship coaching will help you to bring this time, these opportunities back.
Maybe right now the journey isn't about romantic love and partnership. Right now the journey is about you. You are being challenged to be your own savior, your own safe place. Create the space to become your own priority and happy place. This means the little crumbs settled for earlier no longer appeal to you because you own the ability to serve yourself cake every day.
3. Maintain the difficult parts of your life because you are worth it
No one else needs to remind you of that. Keep the child in you happy and show her beautiful things every day, and celebrate your life with grand gestures of love. At the end of a dull day, pull yourself up and out of the rut to create meaningful moments. Your life should be the prettiest story ever told and you must be willing to put the work in towards it.
Part of your story could be that of a soul who walked through a dark cave but the story doesn’t end there. Coach your own life and learn to walk out into the sun again and enjoy that season of glowing light as well.
4. Constantly adjust your relationship with everything
Create experiences for it to fit your life and not the other way around. Inspect aspects like cultural expectations to Instagram usage to consumerism and even how you eat and keep fit. Prioritize observation of your body as it functions through different activities. What is right for one person may not be right for you. What was right for you once may not be right for you at this time. It’s ok and even necessary to evolve your choices as your life evolves. Words like “normal”, and “standard” are what contribute to a culture that puts you into a small box and asks you to be content with metaphorical peanuts (in reality peanuts are salty, crunchy and delicious). It is your body, your mind, your resources, and your energy engaging in action - ensure that what you chose is actually healthy for YOU. We learn to put up with many small behaviors of toxicity towards ourselves before we see the larger patterns emerge. Practice one to one life coaching with yourself ,observe yourself and understand how you operate, how you orient yourself to different situations in life.
5. Create rituals with your friends, they are the centerpieces of your life.
Build your circles and distribute your needs across them . Take advantage of the diverse and multiple offerings that people can make in your life and create rituals with each of them.
Most of us need interaction to feel connected & loved. Friends can be real life coach therapists who can be haven in times of need and can help us assess our life and other relationships.
I share a ritual I like to call “wine therapy” with my close girlfriends. It would be wonderful to create a podcast of the things we discuss ranging from motherhood to casual sex to family trauma to setting benchmarks for women in the workplace. It enables us to know that even though we are in such different phases of life we can still come together to add to each other’s lives. It also allows us to open ourselves beyond the frameworks of our current choices. We can live full lives and cheer on other humans who have made entirely different yet equally important choices. Surround yourself with an inclusive culture that says, “you make your choices, I’ll make mine and we keep space to build bridges to meet each other”. When we judge differences, we contribute to shame and build internal fear. Our core need is to connect so let that be the focus of why you come together with people.
6. Become comfortable with empty space
Be it the teaching of minimalism or Zen meditation, let there be space in your world for life to thrive. Open a window, donate clothes you have not used in a year, and stare at a wall. We are so used to filling every part of our everyday life with sounds, people and things. How then will we attract new things, when we are attached to what we already possess. How will we have new thoughts when the walls, shelves, and street advertising is constantly telling us something. In other words, if you are constantly consuming something, when do you really have time to digest what you’ve taken in and where is the space for dessert?
Also, take a stock check of how much energy is lying stagnant around you in the form of unused things, phone space, old memories. How will you have air to breathe and fly if you are breathing in the stale. Free your space and it will lead to a free mind for other things to flow in.
7. It's not permanent, so what’s good here
This phase of life will also pass and with it, the unique opportunity to feel, and explore this moment will also pass. If you could capture one thing for yourself here, what would that be? Roll with that. Also, what are you willing to create for yourself if it's not handed to you? This is the moment where you dare to carve your own path.
My year has been made of little moments of magic. I opened my heart one day and decided that my story in my 30s will be different and I have acted like it. If someone froze my life at 18 and woke me up at 33, the girl I am would make complete sense to me. That’s how I know the journey I’ve been on and the hardships I’ve persevered through have led me to the path meant for me.
8. Bring that Wildflower energy
You do not control when the flower, that is your life, will bloom. The best you can do is to cultivate, give it the sunlight and water it craves, cut the weeds and talk to it gently. Direct every second towards your raw wild spirit. What seems random today will one day feel like the magic of the universe. You will witness joy so deep that it comes rolling through your chest and tummy. This is the way I want you to live out the rest of your life.